.
I am sorry, and maybe I'm being unreasonable (no, anonymous troll, I don't particularly care to hear from you if you think I am being unreasonable)but I can truly think of nothing worse than winning this contest (apart from the free baby gear and savings bond).
.A 'Welcome Home' party? Really? Maybe I have an unrealistic view of what childbirth and homecoming will be like, but I imagine at this moment the last thing I would want would be to have 10 family members recently offloaded from a germbox airplane waiting for me at home after I just got finished pushing a small human out through my vagina. I don't know, I imagine those first few days, weeks, months will be spent in a sleepy haze as I get to know what this new baby-filled life will be like for me. I am looking forward to this time...with my baby and husband and the occasional family visitor to help out here and there.
10 visitors is pushing it...to the limit.
At the moment we're having trouble deciding what to do about my husband's family. You see, they want to come from Italy. This is the first grandchild from their side of things and their joy brings a smile to my face. But they want to come and be here WHEN the baby is born in May...and his mother wants to stay, like, until Christmas. "Wow, how helpful. How wonderful." I love love love my mother-in-law, but she is almost 80 years old. And frail. And she doesn't drive. And she doesn't speak English. And she thinks she's going to help and keep the baby when I go back to work.
I am so torn between not wanting to offend and understanding that this event is almost as huge for her as it is for us...and also wanting the space that I require for my sanity. All I have asked is that she come at the end of May in order to give us (me, my husband, and the new love of our lives) a few weeks together to learn the basics and bond and have some time to adjust. I also asked that she return in August--though there were several logical reasons to suggest this (not having to deal with government paperwork, my husband can escort her home), although my reason is that I don't want to have to broach the baby-sitting issue. I will never have the heart to tell her that I am terrified to leave my baby with a frail, 75-pound, 80 year old woman.
And gosh, I'm willing to relent on the arrival time for her to be there when the baby is born, I know this is important to her. Only she doesn't want to come alone in the beginning of May, she wants to bring other family with her because she won't fly alone...and they want to stay in our itty bitty house with us...and they don't drive so my husband would have to bring them back and forth to the hospital...and they would be bored and want to do some sight-seeing. Am I so selfish to want a few weeks before more chaos ensues? Am I crazy to think guest entertainment won't be first on my mind after childbirth?
.
.
But I asked for some time alone...
.In doing so, I believe Italy has declared war on me. You'll probably be reading about it on the news soon. They have a Mother-In-Law bomb aimed at my 3 bedroom ranch.
Goodbye, world.
60 conceptions:
I don't think that is selfish at all! I will be thinking exactly like you; adjusting will be hard enough without extra people around!
Good luck with the war; you can take Italy!
You are NOT selfish, you are NOT crazy, you are NOT unreasonable. OMG I would feel the same way, I would be freaking out! Not that I want you to freak out...stay calm, keep your raisin calm.
No, no, NO. You do NOT want houseguests while you are recovering from childbirth, working on breastfeeding if you so choose, and learning the insane, illogical circadian rhythms of a newborn. Trust me, better to offend them NOW than offend them LATER when you LOSE YOUR JUNK over boundaries in a moment of hormonal, sleep-deprived outrage when you catch someone trying to spoon-feed your two-week old rice cereal to make them sleep. Trust me on this.
I have been a lurker for some time and am thrilled for you. When I was expecting my first child, my in-laws wanted to STAY WITH US after coming home from the hospital, as they lived several hours away. I was disowned because I wanted them to stay with a local relative (My MIL sister's house)instead. Forgive me if I didn't feel comfortable learning how to nurse in front of my FIL. They too wanted to "help" but their "help" was only holding a quiet, clean baby. When she started to cry, it was up to ME to comfort her - after a long induced labor and 9 LBS of baby passing though my not so large body. You are wise - stand your ground. You won't be sorry! Good luck with Italy!
Girl run for cover, retreat, retreat!!!!!!
Seriously, you do NOT want them here. Find a way to stop it, enlist your husband if you have to. The beginning is tough and you will not want extra people (I've been through it twice and both times I just wanted to be alone - heck I still do and Emery is four weeks old now). If you want to nurse and sit around the house topless then so be it, you don't need extra hands. If you want to stay in your pjs all day, then you shouldn't have to worry about what other people will think.
This is bad girl, there has be something you can use as an excuse! Good luck!
I keep picturing your mother-in-law as a tiny, woman version of Mussolini. Good luck with that. Can't wait to hear how it turns out. :)
I am getting a panic attack just thinking about all of that family in town for baby Murgan's arrival!
I am also in disbelief that your MIL wants to stay so damn long! I definitely think you and your husband should have a little time alone to bond before the gaggle of family arrive! I feel for you. I am feeling anxious just having my in laws in town this coming weekend, and they are leaving on Sunday! Good luck girl, but put your foot down if you need to!
First of all, holy crap! I'd go mad if my in-laws, or even my own parents, moved in with us for that long. Secondly, absolutely take a few weeks to yourselves first. That's not selfish. You need time to adjust.
That said, here's a "consolation prize" of sorts. I read an article today about a study. (I know, you can get a study that says just about anything.) Anyway, this study claimed there is no safer caregiver for your child than its grandparents...and that includes the mom! It's a no brainer that I'd trust my parents or in-laws to watch over my baby better than a stranger at day care, but they'd really do a better job than MOI??? Hmpf!
Here's the link:
http://www.fitpregnancy.com/blog/news/grandparents-safest-choice-for-childcare-40480942.html
I totally understand. When my son was born, I made my husband tell his parents (who live 6 hrs away in Canada) to wait a few weeks before coming. I did finally give in and they came 4 days after we got home from the hospital and stayed a week.
I had a really hard time as a new mom recovering from a csection and breastfeeding handing over my son, but at the end of the week when I was in so much pain I gave in a little. I think they were ready to have them go, and they were ready to go home having had spent time with their first grandchild from their only son (they are in their late 60's and early 70's.)
At times it was nice to have help with cooking and cleaning , but other times I was really emotional and had to have private time withmy husband and baby. But 80 year old mother from Italy with family til Christmas, I could never do it!
Kelley
I have no doubt that my Italian MIL will be fully capable of taking care of infants when she's 80. She's almost 65, and she's still getting down on the floor and rolling around with the toddlers. This may be an Italian thing too - my husband wanted his mom to come and help. I said I wanted MY mom to come right away, and his mom could come later. It worked for me - I could ask my mom to do my laundry and cook my dinner...not so much with his mom. He was offended, but I don't give a crap.
So, maybe you should just get an open ended ticket, and watch your MIL like a hawk to see if she's able to take good care of the baby. If not, home she goes in August. If so, she can stay until Christmas, because the Italians LOVE the children and spoil them rotten.
In the end, it's your choice, because you're the one undergoing the trauma, and you have the steepest learning curve. My thing is that I never want to deny anyone the chance to shower my daughter with love. Also, they can come whenever they want, but you are not required to entertain them. Aside from directing them to the remote control...
Good luck!
Murgdan, I am right there with you. My MIL and FIL want to stay for god knows how long. I told them that's fine, but once I and the babies are home from the hospital, I don't want anyone in my house. Nobody. So if they want to stay longer, they need to get a hotel room. Same is going for my family...
I think you and I are alike in a lot of ways. I can't stand people in my house. I can't stand many people period. I don't like people in my house no matter the circumstances. I don't like people telling me how to do things or "taking over".
Just try to be strong.. :)
Holy cow!! I don't blame you for asking for space. Good luck with your battle!! I'm trying to figure out how to fight mine...so far my mom, her best friend, my brother, my MIL and most likely her husband, and my FIL and his wife have all said that they want to be here when our baby is born. They know they won't be able to stay with us, but I'm already freaking out about how this is all going to work, and I'm only 6ish weeks along!! I hope you give us more details about your battle, and I hope that I can learn from you. :)
Oh dear.
OH DEAR.
Their desire to celebrate the baby's birth and help care for him/her is so beautiful.
And to a new mom: absolutely frightening.
You are right to stick to boundaries. It sounds like you have worked out a reasonable compromise, I hope they come to appreciate it as well!
It's definitely not selfish at all. You need some time alone. My case was totally different...I needed all the help I could get, so everyone came in pretty soon after the twins were born. My mom was there when the twins came home from the hospital and the next week my mom-in-law and sister-in-law came in. My sister and brother-in-law took some time to visit as well a bit later on. But for you, you won't need as much help as we did and you should take as much time as you need with NO GUILT.
Okay, my husband is Italian, hence my MIL is Italian, and, um, NO. It is a special day for her, sure, but it is more special for you and your husband and you should by all rights make her wait a few weeks. And lest you risk a murder-suicide situation, she should not stay until Christmas. Too, too much. Because Italian mothers do not merely help, they take over. And that, you do not want.
Italy doesn't have the bomb, no worries. The worst the PM could do is philander in your general direction.
It would be different if it was someone who was truly capable of being helpful but, since it isn't, you are having a totally normal reaction. Hosting a party right after giving birth does not sound like fun.
{{{Hugs}}}
Ah man, sorry about Italy. What is it with family not seeing things from your viewpoint (So much of that going around lately with other bloggers, myself included.) Such drama. I hope Italy comes around to their senses and sees things from your point of view- your request is perfectly reasonable. Maybe it's not for them in Italy (don't know if maybe custom and tradition is playing in this too) but even here family gets like that sometimes, but people should respect your wishes for alone time.
Do not let it happen! I love my nearly 80 year old IL's too, but when DH went overseas for 2 weeks I foolishly agreed to let them come and stay and help. Mistake! It was like having 4 children to look after rather than 2, just now worth it.
After my 1st arrived I really did not want anyone around, it was our time with our son, let your instincts rule on this one.
De-lurking to say I'm LMAO. Sorry, it's probably not funny. But it is to me. Because I can relate! My DH is also Italian and we have a similar dilemma....family from Italy coming, etc. Fortunately my MIL and FIL are here now, but there's the aunts, uncles, and cousins.....oh my.
To top it off, we (were) planning to attend a wedding there next fall, with baby in hand. However now that we're having THREE, we're not sure how that will work out.
Ahhh....I guess, be thrilled that you both are so loved and that they are so excited. I read lots of blogs where families are oh-hum or down right negative about the impending arrival. Salute!
You're not selfish in wanting alone time, or time to adjust. I mandated a 3-week buffer assuming the kid could be up to 2 weeks late, giving us anywhere between 3-5 weeks to adjust on our own. And I mandated nobody stays in our house. Albeit it's easier for me as I'm in a 2BR condo so there isn't room unless they're in my living room, but I think this is one of the biggest adjustments of our lives and I don't need to be playing hostess with NO SLEEP and a newborn hanging off my boob!
The one thing I'm still pushing for is takeout for Xmas dinner... cuz I don't want them spending 3 days prepping, 1 day here, and 2 days cleaning, plus taking over my tiny little kitchen all that time. That one the husband ain't so keen on so we're "negotiating"...
But seriously, ask for what you want. Do what you want. Because while this is exciting for everyone, you also have to manage what you can manage. That's not unfair. I only can't write about it on my blog cuz they read...
Oh no. No no no. You are perfectly justified in wanting some alone time and not wanting guests for at least several weeks.
Could you suggest that if she and other relatives want to come early, that they would need to stay at a hotel until you get settled in at home for 2-3 weeks? Then again, it seems easier to just stick with your end of May idea.
My mom wants to fly in immediately, but I have told her it would be more helpful if she came 3 weeks after the baby comes, because I'll need help when DH goes back to work. Like your MIL, she is frail, doesn't drive in unfamiliar places, plus she is in poor health, is very needy, gets bored easily, wants to be entertained, and has hand and wrist problems so I won't trust her to even really handle the baby. Ugh. I am dreading it. But she is so excited, and I know we will have to let her visit at some point. But not right away. NO.
I haven't been through it yet, but like everyone is saying, I think we will need time alone to get the hang of breastfeeding and just getting to bond with the baby ourselves.
Good luck with the war with MIL. You need to stand your ground though. This is YOUR time, and you need to come first, even if that means offending some family.
Stick to your guns, you will *need* that time.
As long as Granny doesn't have ties to the mafia. Then maybe you should consider it... ;-)
Baby will be just as wonderful and adorable to them a little later then MIL was planning. Hopefully when the fam holds that little one, the timing of the visit will be the last thing in their minds. Hopefully.
Otherwise, I know a guy who can give you a great deal on a bomb shelter.
<3
good luck- and I totally agree with you. You have to get the alone time!
When we moved into our house my father-in-law came down the next day. When we were at work. He had already worked on stuff. It was horrible! I know that is nothing like- you know a brand new human or anything- but it was still very stressful. I didn't feel comfortable in my new house for a week b/c of it- I felt like I had to play hostess. Ugh.
Good luck!
Girl, this is serious. I don't have time to dream up some savvy solution right now (do you want me to go to Milan and nail thir doors shut?). But your husband MUST keep them away until you and the baby are comfortable. Ideally after a month or more.
This job is up to your husband, too. It's his family and his duty as your husband to keep you safe and sane during hormonal upheaval.
There has got to be a way to give them this info diplomatically. Or through deceit (no flights until June?).
As far as her babysitting... um. no. she can hang out, but you can tell her you need to have a native English speaker who knows how to drive in case there is an emergncy and can communicate with doctors. period.
my midwife told me to be firm in what was expected of them. so I said shopping, cooking and cleaning. nothing else. but they will want entertainment. so that sucks.
set down firm rules: time limit (they stay only 3 weeks ex.)
they leave the house in the mornings for an outing a brother-in-law aranges...
am really feeling for you. give4 me their address. I will get someone on it ;)
My advice, don't have anybody come to stay with you for the first 6 weeks, these really are the hardest times for you and hubby and new baby, there is so much to learn and take in and no matter how much you wanted this baby (it took me 8 years to have my son), you will have one or two thoughts of 'what have I done' but it all magically gets better somehow at 6 weeks - whether its because you have found your routine or what, I don't really know, it just does get better.
I feel your pain. My mother in law (who lives 2000kms away) wanted to be at the hospital as I was having my c-section.
I asked for a minimum of week (I wanted a month!) to get at the very least home from hospital(even if I'll still be in pain) before people descend on us... At least my in-laws will stay at a hotel as we (un) fortunately won't have room for them at that time.
I love them, don't get me wrong but I figure that's a time for MY family (as in me, hubby and baby) and we'll have enough finding our own way without all the other stuff to deal with.
Asking for that week caused problems between me and hubby - he didn't get why I didn't want them here, he still doesn't get it but he at least supports it now.
Stick to your guns!
I have to agree with your reaction and everyone's comments here so far. When my son was born (after emergency c-section), my parents both stayed for a week and then my mom stayed for an additional week. THAT was excellent, in spite of the fact that we have a two-bedroom apartment and most of the everyone was crammed in together in the joint living room / kitchen. I really needed the help because I was recovering from surgery.
But immediately after that, my husband's mother came and stayed with us for two more weeks. She did everything my own mother had done, but it was just so different. I suddenly found myself needing more space and wanting to be more independent with the baby. In the middle of her visit, my husband's sister decided they wanted to come visit immediately after my MIL's visit and I felt compelled to say yes because the phone call happened while my MIL was in the room, but afterwards I just broke down sobbing because I was so tired of having such a full house. I realized I even needed time to cry and be emotional without someone ALWAYS there.
Anyway, my SIL did come to visit (we had a week and a half to ourselves before she came), and actually it turned out to be really fun. She was self-sufficient, and it was during that week that I learned I could go out to restaurants, walk around the city, etc.
But this time around, I do not plan to have mothers staying with us in our apartment (same apartment, but now we have a 2 yr old) for a whole month. I don't think they realize this yet, and my husband made a comment the other night about how they would both be coming, and I just thought, uh huh, let's wait until we start working out the details because I'm thinking my mom for week 0-1 and his mom for a later week (maybe week 4-5) or whenever my husband would have to be going back to work.
You are not crazy for wanting this space. Everyone here is agreeing with you from personal experience that it's just too much to try to host people while you're dealing with a newborn!
I totally agree with you! I'm just wondering what your hubby says about his mom and family wanting to come and stay WITH you at that time?? Time to take a stand because you have to think about you and the baby right now! Just say "We'd love you to come and we'll let you know when we're receiving visitors after we're all settled"... how can they get mad about that?? It's so hard to stand your ground without offending someone... so you gotta roll with the punches!!
Dude. I feel your pain. My mother will be living with us. And I don't even like her. Not even a little. I was actually hoping she would die before the baby was born. Because she is crazy. For real crazy. Maybe we can run away somewhere together.
WOW!! I thought mine coming from KY for a week was bad! Although for my first delivery, my mom, my dad, my FIL and my MIL were IN THE DELIVERY ROOM! (It happened by default, they all just stayed and I was a "bit distracted" what with the giving birth and all. This time I will stand my ground and only my husband will be there. So the moral is, dont get sucked into something you will regret later. If you want this time alone, ask her to come Mid June and leave early August. That way you have a good month + with your NEW FAMILY!!!! I'm so excited for you guys!
It is soooo hard to not want to offend your in laws OR your husband for that matter. But realize that the first 6 weeks (at least) are tough (there, I said it), and the last thing you need is to be worrying about other people. You need time to focus on healing yourself and getting to know your baby. You are not selfish, and if other people think you are, well, your SUPPOSED to be. It's all about YOU, YOU, YOU, and BABY, BABY, BABY. You have worked so hard for this, enjoy it your way. Good luck with Italy!
I will likely have a similar war. People don't understand that this journey was so long and hard for us that we'd like a little privacy and time to meet this person we worked so hard to create.
Looking forward to how your battle goes...I have a feeling I'll lose most of the battles I face...but, by gosh, I'll win this war!
Hold your ground. Follow your gut. If you're stressing about it now, it will be 100x worse after delivery. Your hormones will be uncontrollable.
I was adament that no one be at the hospital until they were invited. I wanted the 3 of us to have some time to bond and soak up the joys of the moment. It didn't quite happen the way I envisioned, but we got about a 1/2 hour together.
Upon returning home my sister was tremedous help. She lives two houses away from us. But she wasn't in my face about holding the boy. My in-laws on the other hand would come to visit (they live 15 miles away) and stay for hours. Like 6-8 hours each visit a couple times a week. And they were very little help. They just wanted told hold him and keep him awake. Breastfeeding was a terrible challenge for us so I needed all the space I could get. Sitting at home with my shirt off for hours became routine, so when visitors would arrive I'd be all out of whack. Oh and the hormones were insane. There is still some tension with my in-laws because of how I acted and treated them, but I have no regets. I knew I needed my space to bond with the little person I fought so hard for.
What is DH's opinion of the topic?
Definitely not selfish at all. You have every right to not want too many people around for a few weeks to get used to the idea of a baby in the house. I am sure she means well, but it will definitely be more of a hassle on you and your husband with your MIL there until Christmas without the ability to drive or speak English.
Hang in there and be firm. Definitely set some guidelines for when they do come.
O Murgdan! I feel ya, and I understand. The day AFTER I came home I had a house full of visitors with a baby attached to my boob. I wanted everyone to leave as soon as they got there. To much to handle!
So having family there as you are pushing a baby out of your va-jay-jay and then coming home after that...NO WAY! I hope you and the hubby can come up with a general agreement. You are right, you're gonna need and want "your" time.
yeah, we already said no overnight visitors for 2 weeks....and probably very few visitors at all during that time. It was not popular, but his side of the family has already decided that we are going to be "overportective" so figured, why not go with it.....and my side, well, I prety much tell them what I want. They don't always like it, but that is the way I have always been LOL....and they have to respect it. Our problem is similar.....those who want to stay over night, my mom or his parents, would be no help and only create more work/stress for me.....so they are not coming :)
good luck on your feud with Italy!
Oh my, oh my, oh my...
I agree with the pp's. It's NOT selfish to want a little alone time with your baby and husband.
And you sure don't need to feel like you have to entertain right after giving birth!
I hope you all can work something out.
Not unreasonable. I can't even imagine having to deal with company during the first few weeks, let slone before the baby is born. Maybe I'm selfish, but I would want to get to know my baby before the in-laws and their opinions come for a visit!
I'm sorry your MIL is being difficult. Good luck.
Yikes! She wants to stay THAT long? Um, that would be a negative!
Good luck on getting Italy all sorted out. I hope you hubby is able to talk some reason into them!
All I wanted was to cocoon with my husband and tiny daughter - having anybody else there was always a nuisance. A visitor - as in a guest for an hour - was fine, but it was generally a time of frayed nerves and sleeplessness, so the idea of houseguests is just awful.
That said, my sister just had twins and scheduled back-to-back relatives to stay with her from before the birth until about three months afterwards. She loved having the extra help. Now, maybe with two babies I could see where the break-even was...
Also, we lived in Rome one year and our elderly housekeeper was amazing. Everything was spotless, her cooking was fantastic, and she took care of all the little things (sewed on buttons, for instance) that we had been meaning to get to forever. Hope your MIL is in that mold!
Good luck with that one. Ooof.
Oh no. No, no, no.
You'll need the adjustment time--a few weeks sounds perfect, then bring on grandma!
I always end up telling you long stories (sorry), so I'll spare you the saga and boil it down:
First baby, my mom was present at the birth and would NOT go home afterward. Slept in a chair in my hospital room. Seriously. She was an OB nurse at the time. Not pretty.
Second baby, politely disinvited her to be at the birth. It was me and my husband--only. She came a couple of weeks later. SO MUCH BETTER. Worlds better. Would not do it any other way.
Don't worry about offending anyone. You need bonding and adjustment time...and you need it badly. No matter how long you've been a nurse, no matter how many nieces and nephews you have, taking care of a baby is NOT as easy as it looks! (So, so worth it, obviously, but you can have a very difficult baby or a very easy one....I've had one of each.)
You decide what you need, and don't worry about it. You deserve to have this experience the way you want it. Good luck!
No, you're not being selfish. It's completely understandable and reasonable to want some time alone, especially if the people who are offering to "help" are pretty helpless themselves. I wouldn't want my own mother watching my child, but I'm not worried to tell her that. Telling my MIL is a completely different story, but then my MIL is competent to watch a child. I can't help wondering what my Italian in-laws will do if/when I give birth. Luckily (I guess) they have a business in Italy and probably can't leave for very long.
Lawdy, lawdy! Those people are crazy! I don't know what's worse: wanting to bring 10 people to stay at your house right after you give birth; or wanting to stay with you for SEVEN months! Geez! Good luck with that, my friend!
I hear ya on this. But have to laugh that you describe a 3 bedroom ranch as an itty bitty house! Itty bitty is what comes to my mind as I sit in our 500 square foot NYC apartment that can't even fit the box the car seat came in, let alone an actual crib or bassinet or changing table...we're lucky there is enough space for a onesie or two! Guess it is all relative!
I don't know that you really need more comments, but my two cents.
I had a somewhat similar situation with my international, non-English-speaking MIL/FIL. My DH thought they should come right after the birth so they could "show us how to take care of the baby." I thought about (a) how pigheaded I am (b) how pigheaded my MIL is (c) how hormone-addled and crazy I will be and nixed that plan in the bud as the makings of a major disaster. Instead, my mom (who is much better at backing off) is coming to help for 2 weeks after the baby is born. The MIL/FIL are coming for 4 weeks after my DH goes back to work full-time and I go back part-time a few weeks later.
The thing is, in our case I hashed out what the best strategy would be with the DH prior to agreeing to anything with the in-laws. It was the DH's job to break the news to the in-laws and it was also his job to take any possible flak from them as the one who had decided that this was how things should be. They discussed it together and I stayed out of it. As far as I know they are happy with what we would want, but it's quite possible they aren't and the DH has totally shielded me from it. Based on a bad situation several years ago that arose when NOT following this tactic, we have found this in general to be the wisest and least stressful all around for pushy in-law situations.
I should also note that as pushy as my MIL can be my MIL and FIL are super helpful to have around, which helps matters.
I'n that some genre... I am also due this April and I am probably the only mother on the planet who is excited that visitors (of all ages) are banned from the hospital due to swine flu issues. The most random people ALWAYS want to filter in and out of my hospital room and I ALWAYS just want some rest.
Wow. Just, wow.
That sounds like a nightmare. I'm really with you here. I need my space especially during stressful times like learning how to be someone's mom.
Can your husband be the bad guy and deliver the 'no way no how news??'
Thanks so much for your words of support on my blog. I love reading MFI success stories like yours!! I will continue to follow you! Good luck with the in-laws....I can totally related!! :)
I just wanted to say that I'm stunned by the whole thing, that you cracked my shit up with your witty comments. I think your concerns are valid and your compromise is excellent. Part of me wants the whole brood to be there so I can benefit from your hilarious snarky writing it would generate, but that would be selfish of me and I totally understand. ;-) Good luck.
i definitely understand the mil drama. i was like you and wanted to just have time alone with my family to figure out our new roles.
...and if i wasn't a germophobe before i sure am one now. luckily, b is just as bad as me. he even went as far as to put a sign on the door of our house (yes) that everyone who comes in has to wash their hands. lol.
i have not seen anything in the news recently, so i'll assume things are status quo for now. :)
xoxo
Girl, stand your ground. Let Italy declare war on you. San Jose, California (ie my Mom's house) has declared it on me. I have been accused of making decisions for my family, when it is solely my decision to make. I mean, since when did this become about other people?
Not only should you not be obligated to entertain guests right after giving birth, but your guests (much like my Mom who is handicapped and just completely helpless in other less sane ways) sound like they too require babysitting. You simply will not have the time or energy. I have indicated that no one will be staying at my house other than my husband and son following our return home. And if I feel up to it at some point, I'll invite them over at a later date.
While you will likely endure a mini sh*t storm for making this decision known, I guarantee it will be of a substantially lesser size than if you were to let their plans unfold. Stay strong!
I am so with you on this,I am due May 7th next year and my Inlaws wanted to come over from Scotland from May 1st for 3 months.I told its October or nothing,maybe I am being bitchy but being pregnant and still!!!puking daily gives me that perogative.Stick to your guns:)
All I want to say I GOOD LUCK! I had my baby on a wed. That Friday my husband got on a plane to be deployed and I was released back into the real world (i.e. going home from hospital). I was staying with his grandma and my mom was staying with us for a few days to help out. TOTALLY FINE with all of that. Except upon arriving at Granny's I was shocked to find my two sisters, their husbands, my FIL, my sister in law, and my dh's aunt and uncle there. If that wasnt enough I cried when my sis left and showed back up with my grandparents. It was horrible. My mom made me feel bad b/c it was the first time my grandparents had seen my baby and I was crying. UM really can we say let the hormonal women have some peace and quiet with her new baby.
again good luck
I think long visits like this is a European thing. I have several friends, and am myself, married to Italians, Dutchies or Frogs, and this isn't the first time I've heard of a situation like this. (Incidentally, it would also be my worst nightmare.)
I hope you find a way to handle this wisely, and to have the time that you need, mellow and with the baby. ):
I think long visits like this is a European thing. I have several friends, and am myself, married to Italians, Dutchies or Frogs, and this isn't the first time I've heard of a situation like this. (Incidentally, it would also be my worst nightmare.)
I hope you find a way to handle this wisely, and to have the time that you need, mellow and with the baby. ):
Sorry I am late to the party! But my two cents? You cannot risk your sanity for the sake of sparing their feelings. TRUST ME. I made the fatal error of allowing my ILs (who I do not get along with) to come visit a mere two weeks after I had Piglet. And, as luck would have it, my postpartum hormones kicked in right around ten days. So in the four days prior to their visit, I was on the verge of killing Mr. K or myself. The fights we had were EPIC because not only was I my normal stressed self about the ILs, I was a LUNATIC high on hormones!!!
So, please please please. Let them come, but let them come a little AFTER the baby arrives. It just needs to be done. I know they will be disappointed and I know your 80 year old MIL will be devastated not to be there right when the baby CROWNS, but I swear, the baby will be just as precious a month later. And you will be too.
Thinking of you!
Italy may have declared war on you but come on. Six months with your MIL who doesn't speak English? It had to be done.
I found my way over from Jennepper, and I like it here! :)
I wanted at least two full weeks after my daughter was born for my husband and I to bond with her before parents started arriving, but my MIL somehow managed to come the second week. I love her, but she seemed to think that her purpose there was to just hold the baby all day. No cooking, no cleaning, and I was too hormonal/tired to fight about it. Instead, I went the passive-aggressive route and just stayed up in my bedroom with the baby for longer and longer each morning. :) Anyway, it built up some resentment in me that I wish I could let go, but I'm just not there yet. Better to be honest with the in-laws now and delay the visit until YOU are feeling ready, I think.
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