I'm a chicken. Bawk bawk to the 10th power. Break my neck, pull out my feathers and throw me in the deep fryer and I'll try my best to be finger-lickin'-good. Dammit.
I'm totally chicken to call the RE office. It would have been really easy when we were in the midst of the chicken house among all the other hens and roosters lined up to lay eggs and such. But we flew the coop in order to sit on the sidelines till the Spring, and now I'm stuck here in my nest. Afraid to be led to the slaughter.
I'm a turkey. St.rip me to the down and stuff my a.ss with cornbread and celery and tell me how thankful you are. How can anyone claim to be anxious for baby-making and bored of RE limbo land and yet so ambivalent about inquiring as to the next step in the game?One phone call. That's all it would take. One phone call. It's as easy as 'Ring Ring' (not from the vag.ina phone). "Hello. RE office." "Yes, I'd like to re-join the money-spending, leg-spreading, plastic-cup-ejac.ulating club if that's ok." "Sure. Welcome back. When would you like to cycle?" But I call them like a 10 year old who just discovered boys, '404-123-456____' click.
But I'm a silly goose. I really do want to be a mother goose. Hanging with this infertile flock has been pretty darn comfortable. Taking flight for the Spring has proven to be more daunting than I ever imagined it would. I'm terrified putting all my eggs in this expensive basket. Who knows if this goose will lay the golden egg?My husband is making baby jokes again...which means he's ready to do this. I guess what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
I guess I'll have to stop being such a Dodo...
Because I know what I really want.
43 conceptions:
I think I am right there with you. We recently changed our minds about IVF, and now I have to call an RE's office after not contacting them for over a year. I just keep making excuses. I do not even get as far as picking up the phone. I am afraid I will need another IVF consult because we have waited so long. Sigh.
Maybe we should give ourselves a deadline. If someone else is with you, maybe it won't be so bad?
oh, the things we do to avoid doing what we have to. Like... all the work to put this very cool post together, with all the bird photos and bird references... It sure looks harder than punching ten small digits into a phone. Interesting how now that the moment arrived you are paralyzed. I guess that's only human. Well, get your courage together and dial those numbers! Hugs!
I'll call tomorrow if you do. I have to do a consult after every failed to prep for the next, and I've been ducking it for the past week since my beta.
If it helps, you can make the appointment for a long time in the future (sometimes that's the earliest appt available anyway).
Deal?
I'm scared too. I'm sitting this cycle out. Maybe I'll get pregnant naturally...*hysterical crazy person laughter*
It is so hard to take that next step, isn't it? I'm wishing you the very best. Good luck!
Sometimes that first leap is the hardest, but it turns out that after that it's much easier to fly. Bite the worm and call, we are behind you.
But the butterflies that come after the call might be worth it (you know, the butterflies that come when it looks like you're going to get what you want?).
Nice theme...I'm just glad you didn't work in swallows...
You are so right! After the initial strangeness, it's like you're the expert. I remember that weird feeling when I went for my first consult, firstblood draw, first u/s. It gets a little easier.
I'm totally with you. Scared shite-less to call the clinic. It's finally time to cycle (well, soon), and I can't pick up the effing phone to make the call. Gah.
And to the poster above, swallows. HAH!
Take the step and you'll find you're ready to fly. If you happen to fall, we'll all be here to catch you.
"Who knows if this goose will lay the golden egg?"
Ah yes, there's the rub. But the worst thing wouldn't be if it didn't - the worst thing would be always wondering what would have happened if you'd made the call.
But I know you know that. Fact is, when you're ready, you'll call. And who knows, you just might surprise yourself by doing it sooner than you think ;)
We're all here EGGING you on...
This is exactly where I am. It's scary to think about being disappointed again. I know I have to or my dream will never come true . It is just hard to ge back in the game.
Yes, it's very scary, especially when I'm putting all of someone else's eggs into my basket! We'll all be hear to cheer you on to that golden egg!!!
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck ...
You can do it. QUACK! ;-)
Good luck Murgdan! I love your duckings.
Taking the next step is scary! And there is comfort in waiting....
What do ten year olds do now that there is caller i.d.? They don't know what they are missing.
Wow...your creatively juices really flowed through...flied through!
Well, nine seem like a bit much to me, but if you want? ;-)
Its a big step. Having a small case of the nerves seems prudent to me. Lets hope all the bird talk brings us to some nesting. :-)
You're not being chicken, it is a big step to take. Trust me, yesterday I went for my meeting with the IVF Co-Ordinator, I SHAT bricks baby!!! And they didn't even do anything to me, just sitting around chatting about what's going to happen, when and how much of course. And this is my 4th time around the IVF block, I should be over it by now.
If I can you can!
When were you planning? I'm IVF'ing in March, perhaps we can be cycle buddies and hold each others hands. I'll be brave if you're brave?
It is not easy Cin! Not at all - but you know what - you just gotta do it - cos once you've made that call it gets a lot easier!
We'll be right here along with you!
xxx
Haha! Very clever! And that picture at the end is beautiful, especially with the mindset of having a successful pregnancy.
So, here's my advice to you, Ms. Clucky. It's like getting into a cold swimming pool. The slower you go, the harder it is to keep get in all the way. Your teeth start chattering, and by the time the water reaches your hooha (how symbolic...hehe), you think "F--- this!" and get out. It's best not to think about it. Just jump in, feet first. Once you get your head under, you'll realize the water's not that cold after all.
Fantastic post, you really are too good at this writing lark. Go on, pick up that phone....it's scary but exciting. (And I'm being selfish because I want to read all about it).
I was a chicken (or some other form of wildlife)for a long time . I would put off calling. One day I woke up and I was 40. Please don't make age one of your factors too. Be brave and call. You can do it!!:)
This is brilliant writing. It's ok to to be a chicken. In fact, anyone who isn't, doesn't know what they are getting into.
Sending plenty of courage your way.
Excellent post! I understand your feelings. I, too, am scared to death of the next step. Especially since it's going to be a huge chunk of money for us. Damn insurance coverage (well, lack of).
So...I am sending lots of luck your way. And courage to take that next step and make the call :) Good luck!!
I spent 3 years doing useless IUI's for MFI because noone would let us do IVF--"lose 50 pounds and come back". I spent a few months being depressed, then picked up the phone to find an RE without their head up their *ss. Eight weeks to the day from that phone call, I was getting one telling me about our positive beta. Things DO move fast, you're right! I felt like I was on the IVF express train, which was daunting, so I can fully appreciate your chicken tendencies.
I guess you just have to dive into the deep end sometimes, although I still want my duck floaty ring there.
PS--Does that swan have high order multiples? :)
Do it! DO IT! It's golden egg time so get you're as.s out of the nest! I'll even call for you! Give me the number! 5 minutes of your life, once you get to making the appointment you'll be so aggravated by trying to find a day and time that work for everyone involved that all this fear and anxiety will have vanished!
I love this post. First, the content is right on. Even after dealing with the RE for over a year now, I am still afraid to call to tell them when it's CD1!! Second, you manage to put your emotions and feeling out there in such a way that everyone says, "YES. I totally feel that." You're an exquisite writer.
And last, I just love the way you incorporate pictures into every post!
OK- so this post spoke to me so much .....that I just got off the phone with the infertility clinic and have an appointment for February 3rd (they wanted me next week, but i am out of the country) and I called my lovely insurance company to be told "officially i am not infertile, just recurrent loss" which doesn't mean anything, except I can see the specialist without a case nurse....until we hit the magic 6 months without a BFP (then we just have to have a case nurse) .....so YOU got me to make the next step :) Thanks!
Very creative! Now... you know you want to make the phone call... Come on...
I was waiting for the cock reference!
Pick up the phone...
You are a trip! Definitely a nurse. Lovin that sense of humor.
That big step can be one of the hardest, but in this hurry up and wait game I've learned to just do it so I can start fretting about the next step. LOL.
You can do it, hun!!
You can do it!!! :-)
Abigail's cake is so cute!
Totally normal and probably not at all about wanting or not wanting babies. It just takes a while to wrap your head around this process. It took me about 6 months to get going, so we didn't start our first IUI until 2 years after we started trying. Some days I wish I'd started earlier, but mostly I'm comfortable and needed to do it at my own pace. Good luck.
It's a very scary thing to contemplate, because, after all, if you're actively working at it, you're putting more into it, and your hopes might be crushed a little more than they are now.
I was happy to find your blog. Husband and I are also on a break (for complicated reasons), and we also have MFI due to morphology.
Good luck.
Its hard to jump back in. I'm still feeling a bit ambivalent despite officially starting to try again.
Good luck with your decisions.
BTW, I have started your tote bag. I hope to have it done by next Sunday.
ICLW
Good luck with your decisions. IVF is definitely not an easy journey.
Hugs
ICLW
That was very entertaining and I can so relate. I need to call IVF nurse and keep putting it off, I need to stop being such a chicken shit.
GL!!! You'll feel better once you do it.
You really are an outstanding writer!!! That was an awesome post and I know that it is scary (personally because I am not there yet and I am scared as hell) but just remember the goal. I wish you all the best!!
ICLW
Damn but you are creative girl! You want that many?
Call, call, call! Really I just want you to be doing all this at the same time as me. Sending you courage. I love your creative post!
I know what you mean. I weaseled out of it by switching clinics.
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